Y.D.K.W.Y.H.U.I.G.

You Don't Know What You Have Until It's Gone

"Meito-san, I... I think maybe we should end this..." I look up sharply when I hear Luki's quiet voice speak suddenly, and for a moment I think I must have been hearing things. After all, there's no way Luki of all people would say such words to me.

"Sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly. Can you say that again?" Luki frowns slightly, turning his gaze to the floor. He's started rubbing his arm now, a nervous habit of his that I've always found absolutely adorable.

"I... I said that we should end this..." I stare at him for a moment, trying to register the fact that Megurine Luki, a person who has never done anything against me, is actually dumping me.

"... Alright, fine." I sigh after a moment of silence, shrugging. Pain flashes in his eyes for a second, though it's so quick that I wonder if I'm seeing things. After all, he's the one dumping me, so why should he be hurt? "It doesn't matter to me either way. I guess this relationship did go on a little long." I try to ignore how sick I feel when the words leave my mouth. I've said them to many people who have actually bothered dealing with me for more than a month in the past and never felt bad, so why the sudden change when saying them to Luki?

"Yes... I'll just be going now..." His voice is quieter than before, and he sounds like he's about to start crying. I feel a little bad and open my mouth to suggest we talk a little first, but he's out the door before I can say anything. I sigh quietly, leaning against the kitchen island.

"Well this sucks. What the hell should I do now?" I sigh again, looking around the room. I need something to distract me from this horrible feeling that I've made a huge mistake.

Ah, I know! I'll go to the bar. That will both distract me and give me a chance to find someone to keep me company. That's right; I don't need Luki to keep myself entertained!

... Okay, I can't keep myself entertained to save my life. But I don't need Luki for that; I can just go find someone else. Yes, that'll work.

I smile, satisfied with my plan, and stand up, grabbing my keys and walking out the front door.

~Four months later~

"That's it! I've had it with you!" I yawn quietly as Zatsune Miku yells at me. She's my most current 'lover' of two weeks. I use the word 'lover' loosely; I really hate the bitch. She never shuts the hell up. "I swear you do not have the capability to not flirt with everything that moves! Until you grow the fuck up – which is never going to fucking happen – you will be alone for the rest of your life surrounded by whores who will just use you for sex!" I wave her off as she finishes her rant, narrowing my eyes.

"Yeah yeah, shut the hell up. Aren't you one of those whores using me?" She gapes at me, shock written across her face. I guess she doesn't consider herself a whore. "It's not like I give a damn whether or not they use me for sex. I'm using you for it, aren't I? Why should I care if others do the same to me?" She growls softly, glaring at me.

"You're an ass! I feel sorry for any poor idiot who will ever believe you love them." She starts to storm out of the house before pausing, looking back at me. She looks hesitant, so I raise an eyebrow at her sceptically.

"What's wrong? I thought you were leaving." She laughs quietly after a silent moment, nodding and grinning.

"Oh yes, I'm leaving. Have fun being alone forever, ass." She waves at me before slamming the front door shut. I sigh quietly, pinching the bridge of my nose. Now I have to find another whore. Jeesh, why is she getting so sensitive over the issue anyway? Luki always put up with it...

... Why the hell am I thinking of Luki?! He left four months ago, I haven't seen or heard from him since. I shouldn't still be thinking about him!

"Damn it! This sucks." I growl, storming out of the house. I may as well go to the bar; I need a drink to get my mind off these confusing feelings.

'These confusing feelings' referring to my constant feelings of guilt whenever I think about Luki. I don't know why I keep feeling like this, but I really don't like it. I have no reason to feel guilty! He's the one who chose to leave! I did nothing wrong!

I continue this rant in my head as I walk into the bar. I look around, a small grin making its way onto my face when I see that Akaito's working tonight. Perfect, teasing him is just what I need to take my mind off this.

"Oh Akai-chan!" Akaito visibly stiffens when I call out to him, and my grin changes to an evil smirk. Oh yes, this will definitely take my mind off things.

"What do you want, Meito?" I feign hurt as I sit down, resting my arms on the bar counter.

"Now Akai-chan, I'm a paying customer, is that any way to treat me?" Akaito scoffs quietly, turning to look at me.

"Yeah, customer, right. You practically live here; I don't think I need to treat you like a freaking customer." I pout, laying my head on my arms.

"You're so cold, Akaito." He waves me off, uninterested.

"Yeah yeah, so you've said countless times. Now tell me what the hell you want before I kick you out." I gape at him.

"You're so mean! Here I am, alone and in need of comfort, and you threaten to kick me out?!"

"Zatsune dumped you, didn't she?" I stare at him for a moment, surprised.

"How'd you know?"

"Meito, I've known you since we were kids, I'm fairly sure I can tell when you've been dumped. So what, did she finally get fed up with your constant cheating?" I glare lightly.

"Oh shut up, it's not like we were in a loving relationship." He sighs, nodding in resigned agreement. I smirk at him, leaning over the counter slightly to grasp his chin.

"You know Akaito, you know me so well, I bet you would make a perfect part-"

"No way in freaking hell Meito. I am not going to be your temporary sex toy so you can release some stress." I pout, pressing my forehead against the surface of the counter.

"You're no help." He sighs quietly, leaning against the counter.

"Meito, you're going to need to stop this eventually." I grumble quietly, not looking up. He's told me this several times, I don't need to hear it again.

"... Hey, Akaito, can you help me with something?" I look up at him after several moments of silence. He's already glaring at me. "It's nothing sexual, promise!" He raises an eyebrow sceptically, but nods for me to continue.

"Fine, what?" I look at my hands, thinking of how to choose my words.

"I keep feeling... Guilty... Recently..." I half-expect him to gasp dramatically at this, but he remains quiet for a few moments.

"... Guilty over what, exactly?" I sigh. I don't want to answer that.

"Well, um... Luki, I guess." He looks surprised for a moment.

"Wait, Megurine Luki? Luka's brother?" I nod slightly. He frowns slightly, confused. "What the hell did you do to the poor boy that's causing you to feel so guilty?"

"I don't know! That's the problem; I never treated him differently than any of the others I've dated. And he dumped me! We were together for so long too..." I mumble quietly, looking down. I feel Akaito's calculating stare on my, and squirm slightly under his gaze.

"So, you said you never treated him any differently than the other whores you date?" I nod slightly. "And exactly how long was he with you?" I frown slightly, thinking. How long had it been?

"Um... We were together for about a year and a half, I think." That's personally been the longest relationship I've ever had. Maybe that's why I'm remembering it so well.

"And you didn't end the relationship after a couple weeks?" I glare at him, to which he simply grins. "Sorry. So, ignoring the fact he dumped you, why did you stay with him for so long?" I look at him in confusion.

"Eh? Um, I don't really know. He was always so sweet, and he never yelled at me. And he was absolutely adorable..." Akaito raises an eyebrow at me.

"Uh huh... Well, I've met Luki a few times, and although he's quiet we did talk a little. I agree that he's a fairly sweet person. From what I know of him from Luka, he's the type to put up with a lot if he cares for someone. He must have really loved you." I flinch slightly. I don't know why hearing that hurts. "However, everyone has a limit. Meito, you're basically a whore." I glare at him again, but he ignores me. "You don't know how to dedicate yourself to someone, and you quite rarely show any romantic attention to your lover. It's all about sex to you. He probably finally gave up hoping you would have any actual affection for who he as a person is, and left." I gape at him, shocked. I forgot how harsh Akaito can be.

"Hey! I liked him for who he was!" Akaito glares lightly at me.

"Did you ever tell him you loved him?"

"Well, no, b-"

"How much affection did you show him when you weren't trying to sleep with him?"

"Not a lot, but s-"

"Why did you ask him out in the first place?"

"I found him attractive. If you would j-"

"Did you ever attempt to try and get to know him as a person better?"

"Not really, but if I c-"

"Do you even know his birthday?"

"Er..." Akaito sighs quietly, shaking his head.

"Meito, you're an ass. If you really knew Luki, and took into consideration how you treated the poor guy, maybe it wouldn't be such a mystery why he dumped you." I glare at him, pouting.

"You're supposed to make me feel better!"

"You asked me for help. I'm helping you. You said you were feeling guilty, right?"

"Yes..."

"You probably either feel guilty because he was with you for so long, and you wasted a good year of his and your life." I frown at this. That most definitely isn't the reason.
"Or you've fallen in love with him and are too fucking dense to realize it." I stare at him for a moment. Could I have fallen in love Luki?

"... That's ridiculous. No way, I have not fallen in love with Luki." He raises an eyebrow sceptically at me.

"Uh huh, yeah, sure you haven't." I glare at him.

"Thank you oh so much for being no help at all. I'm going to go, find someone to hook up with, and remind myself to never go to you for help again." I stand up, turning to walk away.

"Meito." I pause, looking back at him. "At least think about it. It may mean the difference between you spending the rest of your life without ever loving someone, or being able to be in a happy, healthy relationship." He smiles sweetly at me, and I turn away again. I don't see how it matters anyway. Luki's gone, he wouldn't take me back, even if I apologized...

Wait a minute, I'm thinking like I would want to have him back! No way, not at all. I am perfectly happy without him; I don't want him in my life again. I just need to get this off my mind. Now, who to take home..?

I look around quietly, trying to find a suitable girl or guy to take home. I spot a tealette not far from me, and recognize her as Hatsune Miku. I'm not that well acquainted with her. Granted, my sister is, but who my sister knows has no affect on me, so I won't be ruining anything.

"Hey there, sweetheart." I walk over, smiling down at Miku. She looks up at me, surprised, and tilts her head.

"Meito? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, so you remember me!" I smile, ignoring her question. She frowns slightly, nodding.

"Yes... What do you want?" I sigh. It doesn't seem like I'm going to convince her to come with me. Still, there's no harm in trying.

"Would you like to come home with me?" She stares at me for a moment before bursting out laughing.

"Oh my god! You actually think I don't know what type of person you are?! I'm not coming home with you!" She giggles, clutching her stomach. I frown, shaking my head. Maybe I was too blunt. Ah well.

"Fine fine, don't come." I walk away from her, trying to ignore her giggles – which are starting to hurt my ego – as I look around.  So, I should look for someone who's not connected to the Vocaloid family, I guess. Now, who would that be..?

"Excuse me?" I jump, turning to look at a small blonde girl smiling at me. Well, she can work.

"Why hello there, beautiful. Can I help you?" I smile, turning to face her. She nods slightly, and begins introducing herself.

~~

After the girl introduced herself I didn't pay that much attention to what she said. I faintly remember her saying her name is Kaori, but after a few drinks I can't remember anything else. We somehow got from the bar to my house. And now, after sleeping with the poor girl, I'm starting to feel guilty. Again with the guilt! I hate this.

I examine Kaori more carefully. She's cute, with long, blonde hair and perfect skin. However, Luki is far cuter than her...

Wait, what? Why the hell would I think that!? This is ridiculous; anyone would think I have feelings for him. Which I most definitely do not! I don't care what Akaito thinks he knows; I am not in love with Luki, or anyone else!

... That sounds slightly sad. Jesus Christ, I need to stop thinking so much. But hooking up with someone didn't take my mind off it. Actually, it made me think more...

I growl silently, grabbing my phone and dialling Akaito's number quickly. I wait impatiently as it rings four times before he picks up.

"What the hell do you want?" He sounds grumpy, so I can at least take comfort in the fact that I've ruined his sleep.

"Alright, let's just say that theoretically I do miss Luki. What do I do about it?" I can practically feel his smug grin through the phone. "Don't get too full of yourself, I said theoretically!" He laughs quietly, though it's still laced with drowsiness.

"Yeah yeah. Well, you either call Luki," I frown at that idea. I don't really want to call him. "Or talk to Luka." If I was drinking something right now I would have choked.

"Call Luka?! Are you a fucking idiot?! If what you've said is right, I would die before I could say anything!" I've met Luka a few times, so I know how overprotective of Luki she is. And I know she owns a whip. A pissed off sister plus a whip equals pain – and possible death – for me.

"Ah, right. Okay, scratch that, don't call Luka. Call Luki." I pout.

"But Akai-chan, I don't want to call Luki!" I'm aware that I sound like a child. However, I don't care. I guess he does though, if his exasperated sigh on the other line is any indication.

"Meito, what was the point of calling me if you're going to reject all ideas of making the situation better?" I huff, glancing at Kaori nervously when I feel her shift. After a few moments of silence I'm sure she's still asleep and reply to Akaito.

"I was hoping you were going to give me some useful advice. However, contacting either Megurine is a horrible idea." Akaito groans, and I can pretty much imagine him face-palming. Ah, I love how I can get on his nerves.

"Meito, if you want to find out whether or not you hold any real feelings for Luki you're going to have to contact him somehow. Now, until you stop being a stubborn ass and agree to meet with him I'm going to sleep. Wake me again before ten and you will never see Luki, or anyone else, ever again." He hangs up once he finishes talking, and I reluctantly put my phone down.

"How the hell will meeting with Luki help any..? He probably never wants to see me again..." My heart throbs painfully at this thought. Do I have feelings for Luki? I mean, I've never felt this way about anyone else, so what else could it be?

Damn you Akaito! He's the reason I'm thinking so hard on this! Damn him to the deepest depths of hell! I should have just gone to Meiko for help.

Actually, scratch that. Considering she's dating Luka, she's probably just as pissed at me, so I guess Akaito was my best bet. Damn him.

~~

"Meito, get your cowardly ass out here!" Akaito groans, pulling on my wrist to try and drag me out of my house. I dig my heels into the floor stubbornly, trying to tug my arm out of his grasp.

It's been a couple weeks since Akaito told me I need to meet Luki to decide my feelings, and after extremely heavy contemplation I've finally agreed to go. So Akaito's set up a 'date' for Luki and me today so we can talk. But now I'm really starting to have second thoughts.

"You know what, tell Luki I'm really truly sorry but I suddenly got deathly sick and couldn't make it today. I'll make an arrangement to meet him some other time." I squeak – in a very masculine way, of course – when Akaito suddenly gets an amazing burst of strength and pull me out the door, almost causing me to trip and fall on my face. "Ow! What the hell was that for!?"

"Meito, I am bringing you with me, even if I have to tie you up and drag you by your hair." I wince slightly at that. It sounds painful, and Akaito's tone tells me he's dead serious. "Get in the car, now." I sigh, pouting.

"Fine... But do we really want to have this conversation in a public place?"

"I've set the location up at a park; no one will be there to hear you." Damn, he's thought of everything, hasn't he? There really doesn't seem to be any way of escaping.

"Well, um..." I start to try and object again, but Akaito pulls me down the steps and shoves me into his car before I get the chance.

"Don't even bother arguing, you're not getting out of this." He sounds irritated, and I sigh softly, staring out the window. I can't help but wonder how badly I would get injured if I opened the door and jumped out of a moving vehicle. Though, even if I did survive that, Akaito would kill me instead. Doing that would probably damage his car...

The car ride is silent pretty much silent, my only conversational partner being my head, seeing that Akaito's ignoring me, and by the time we get to the park I have the severe urge to shoot myself in the head. I sit in my seat stubbornly, fully intent on refusing to move, but once Akaito sends me a look that could kill I finally give up and step out of the car.

"Akaito, you do realize I'm damning you to hell for this." He narrows his eyes at me, sighing.

"Yeah, I'd like to hear you say that after Luki forgives your sorry ass." I raise an eyebrow, following him quietly.

"You say that as if you know he's going to." Akaito scoffs, shaking his head.

"Idiot, he's still hopelessly in love with you – god knows why, you don't have any good qualities." Ouch, that's harsh. "Of course he's going to forgive you. You just need to refrain from being a dumbass." He pauses, and I look past him to see Luki sitting on a bench a little ways away. "I've gotten to know Luki recently, and I'm telling you now that if you fuck up again I will be the one to personally slit your throat." I sweat lightly, nodding. Why is no one ever on my side?

"Y-Yeah, okay." I follow Akaito carefully as he approaches Luki. I'm starting to feel really nervous now. What the hell? I, the amazing Sakine Meito, never feel nervous. Maybe I need to damn Luki too, for invoking these feelings in me.

"Yo, Luki!" Luki looks up when Akaito calls out to him, and the look of worry in his eyes is heartbreaking. Maybe he's as worried about this as I am... "I brought dumbass, you two talk." I glare lightly at Akaito when he says that, but he ignores me and points to the spot beside Luki. After hesitating for a moment I let out a resigned sigh and sit. Akaito glares at me for a moment, almost as if he's trying to silently warn me not to fuck up – which he probably is – before he smiles at Luki and walks a little ways away. Well, we can certainly see who he's fonder of. And here I thought he was my best friend.

"... Um... Hey..." The awkward silence that follows Akaito's leave is deafening, so I make a pathetic attempt to start conversation. Why the hell am I so nervous?

"Hello..." I glance at Luki when he answers quietly. He's staring at his hands silently, clearly trying to avoid meeting my gaze. I sigh quietly, resting my right elbow on my knee.

"Luki, please look at me." He flinches slightly, but nods and hesitantly looks at me anyway. I stare at him for a moment, taking in the fear etched in his features. He's scared I'm going to reject him, isn't he..?

I don't know what causes me to do it. I can't be thinking properly, because a moment after he looks up all I can think about is the dire need to comfort him. To take away his fear, and allow him to show me his beautiful smile again. So, I press my lips against his in a soft, chaste kiss. Something I quite rarely give. I feel him stiffen against me, and after a hesitant moment of doubt I pull him close to my chest, sighing softly. He trembles lightly in my arms as I hold him close, hesitantly gripping the front of my shirt.

"What the hell is it about you that's doing this to me?" I murmur softly, resting my chin on his head. He pulls away from our embrace a little, much to my chagrin, looking up at me with confusion clouding his eyes.

"What do you mean..?" I frown slightly. I don't really want to spill everything I'm feeling, but somehow I feel that if I don't this isn't going to work out well.

"Ever since you left... I've been feeling horribly guilty... And the sluts I keep hooking up with seem less attractive, because I keep comparing them to you. My heart aches whenever I think about you, and I can't get you out of my mind." I sigh, placing my head in my hands, my elbows resting on my knees. "I don't understand this, because I've never felt it before. And thanks to me being a dumbass and asking Akaito for help, I can't help but start thinking that maybe I feel something for you..."

I look at Luki when I'm done talking to see him staring at me with wide, shocked eyes. I sweat lightly, starting to feel a little panicked when his eyes fill with tears. Oh, crap, I can't handle tears! Don't cry, damn it! "I-I'm sorry Luki, I understand if you want nothing to do with me!"

"That's not it..." He sniffles quietly, rubbing his eye. "Were you telling the truth..?" He looks at me nervously, almost as if he fears I'm pulling a prank on him. For some reason his expression makes me realize that I truly have fallen in love with him.

"Every word of it was the truth." I smile softly, reaching over to stroke his cheek gently. "I love you, Megurine Luki." He flushes slightly, smiling lightly and hugging me tight, which I gladly return.

"I love you too..." I smile, kissing his cheek.

"Does this mean you forgive me?" He tilts his head slightly, nodding hesitantly. I chuckle, nuzzling his cheek gently. "Perfect." He smiles softly, cuddling against my chest. I hold him close, rocking him gently. I guess this is the end of my multiple lovers.

"Ah ha, so he forgave your sorry ass?" I jump slightly, looking up when Akaito suddenly speaks. I glare lightly at him while Luki giggles quietly.

"Yes, he forgave me."

"So you're not going to damn me to hell?" I narrow my eyes, snuggling Luki closer.

"Keep up the smart-ass comments and I'll send you there personally." He grins, waving me off.

"This coming from the man who couldn't prevent me from dragging him here." I flush, glaring at him. He's never going to let me forget that.

"Shut the hell up!" He smirks, nodding.

"Yeah yeah. Well, you can walk home, or have Luki drive you for all I care, because believe it or not I do have a life outside of helping you with your pathetic problems." I pout.

"You're an ass."

"An ass who just saved you from spending the rest of your life alone and miserable. See ya later." He waves, walking off. I sigh quietly, knowing he's probably right. I don't have to admit it though.

"Well... Shall we go to my house than?" I tilt my head, looking at Luki curiously. He hesitates before nodding, and I grin. Once we get home I'll start making a genuine effort to get to know him. No matter what, I am going to prove I am genuinely interested in who Luki is as a person. Then I can faithfully say that I love him for who he is.